Thursday, July 13, 2006

dream :: the baby is born, but i don't remember

My dream last night:
I have had the baby, but I have gone home early, and Steve and my mom are bringing the baby home from the hospital. The house I am in is more like my parents' house than Steve's and mine, though. I hear them coming through the door, and I hurry out to see the baby. I have no recollection of giving birth to him or even being in the hospital — and I can't believe I haven't stayed in the hospital to be cared for during my recovery.

The baby is lying on a blanket on the floor, and we unwrap his swaddle, and he is just adorable — he looks just like Steve, but more like a 1- or 2-year old, not a newborn. I pick him up and hold him, and I want to start breastfeeding him, but I don't know where to start. I don't have a pillow or anything to position myself, so I ask Steve to run to Peapods and buy a My Brest Friend pillow (which I saw there in real life yesterday).

I have so many questions, and as things begin to unfold, I realize how much I have been unable to remember. Did he get a bottle in the hospital? "Don't ask," my mom says, knowing I had wanted to start breastfeeding right away. How much does he weigh? 15 pounds, Steve says, even though he was more than a month early. His birthday is July 13. How long did I labor? Only three hours. (Only three hours ... for a 15-pound baby?!) Well, then, what time did I go into labor last night? What time was he born? 11:00. If I left so early, did I get a chance to fill out all the paperwork the hospital gives us? "It's right here in this box," Steve says. I haven't gotten to the point of asking how much I was drugged, but I assume it must have been a lot, or I would have remembered the birth.

I go to the bathroom, and yes, I am wearing the big pad they must have given me in the hospital, and there is a lot of blood and some crampiness — physical evidence that I did have this baby, even if my memory of it is gone.
So strange: This is the second time I've dreamed I've had the baby but don't remember anything about the childbirth. My mom has been in both dreams, too, even though she won't be there for the real thing. I wonder what it's all about.


katy said...

aren't the dreams just crazy? I never dream about the birth either. My babies are either about 2 years old or 2 boys (I'm having girls!!). We are getting so close :-) it's all so exciting!!!!!

Monkeymama said...

I had a few dreams that had some of the same elements. I can remember one where I was pregnant, but Beck was already a few years old. I was surprised in the dream because I didn't realize that I had already given birth, it was years later, and I was pregnant with a different baby. I didn't want everyone to find out that I had no memory of my daughters first few years!

BNGram said...

I have had a couple of dreams like this too. I just skip the birth and don't remember it. Then I see my baby girl and she is at least one year old if not older. I ask my husband if I was awake or how much drugs they gave me, but he seems mad when ever I asked him about it. Then another dream I'm in some sort of society underground and I lost a large chunk of time. I was pregnant before but not after I come back to my senses. It happened to other women too. Then I was told I would not be able to see the baby for several years until she became " useful to society ". I think these dreams may have to do with my fear of labor and delivery and of the first few years of child rearing, being a first time mom. Still, the dreams are strange!

Jalissa Frederick said...

Did you end up having to get a cesarean?

I had dreams like this before my little one arrived. I think my body was telling me that my baby was breached and I'd have to get a csection. I was so drugged I hardly remember the surgery except his cries and when laid him on my chest... my mom and in laws said they waited 3+ hours before they let them in to see us. But to me it only felt like 40 min...