happy eight-month birthday to ben

Steve and I were talking the other night about the fact that Ben has been in our lives for about as long as the cancer has. He was conceived a couple of months before I got my first diagnosis last year, and he was born three weeks before I learned the cancer had spread.

In that time, filled with such darkness, he has been like a little shining light. It's remarkable how his personality has been so happy and good-natured. For every bad development that happens with my health, it seems that Ben adds an element of happiness we so sorely need — a ready smile, a look that says "I'm so happy to see you." It's as if God sent him to us as a counterbalance, knowing we'd need some light in the midst of our dark.

*Sneeze!*

And here's his cute brother at eight months.

ben at seven months

Bathed, bottled and pajama'd. These were taken without a flash, so they're a little dark.

ben is six months old!

A whole half year ... I can't believe how quickly the time has flown, even with chemo and all the cancer drama. Happy half-birthday, little one!

ben at five months

Five months seems like a pivotal age: Daniel was five months old when I started taking him to Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) classes and first met the kids who would become his play group (and their parents who have become friends).

Daniel was also around five months old when we bought the Ergo and started wearing him around in it — and now Ben's neck is strong enough that I can wear him without the infant insert, and he loves it. Sometimes he naps in it; other times he just stares up at me with his wise little eyes and smiles. I love wearing him in it, too. I can walk around with my cane in my left hand and still have my right hand free to carry a cup of tea (carefully) or water the garden. And in a small way, it lets me feel a closeness with him that I had missed from having to wean him from breastfeeding so early.

In another month or two, we'll be feeding him solids, and he'll be sitting up by himself. He's growing up right under my nose. It seems like time is going by faster than it did with Daniel.

daniel is 2 today

No longer can I call myself the mother of "two under 2" — my sweet little big boy has turned the corner. (We celebrated Saturday, but today is his actual birthday.)



He loves anything on wheels — planes, trains, automobiles — and anything that resembles a saw, screwdriver or weed-whacker. He got a toy chainsaw for his birthday this morning (thanks, Aunt Sue!), and he hasn't put it down all day. He even napped with it this afternoon, and as I write, it is lying next to him as he sleeps. How ironic that Steve used to joke, before he was born, that we would name him Chainsaw.



Here he is with a 4-year-old neighbor pal down the street, who also happens to be into tools.


Happy birthday, our precious little boy. You light up my life!

four months old

Happy birthday to Ben, who is growing into one of the most good-natured babies I've known. He has a sweet smile for everyone and laughs when we kiss his cheeks. Tomorrow he will be baptized, so this is a special weekend for him.

ben at three months

And Daniel at 22 months and a day ...

two months old

Today is Ben's two-month birthday, and Daniel is 21 months and a day. Celebrate them both, I say!

ben at one month

Our serious little guy ... though sometimes I think he's on the verge of smiling at us. He's getting the pudgy cheeks already, too!

fourteen months old

Here's Daniel late this afternoon, roaming around the yard and crunching the leaves with his feet. We've had a good week so far, thanks in part to these glorious mild and sunny days that let us spend plenty of time outside. He could spend hours at the playground, swinging on the swing and digging in the sand with his little red shovel, if I'd let him.

daniel at thirteen months

These are a few days late and all vertical, but ... eh.

faces of 1

We went out in the backyard this afternoon after Daniel had recovered from his big birthday party (i.e. took a long nap) and shot a few more pictures for posterity.

double digits

Daniel is 10 months old today! Here are some pictures from this morning.

nine months old today

No more of this sitting still for pictures on the couch — that's for babies! This is about all I could get out of Mr. Wiggles today. These photos capture him exactly the way he is right now: always on the move and full of life.




I did manage to get some calmer ones of him outside earlier this week. Here are some of those. Natural light is better, anyway.




I miss Ingrid. I expect to see her in her usual spots, and when I realize she's gone, I feel a pang of sadness all over again. After spending most of my adult life with cats in my home, it's strange not to have animals anymore. What hardest of all is realizing that we'll no longer see the excitement Daniel showed whenever he saw Cat. He'd shriek with happiness and wave his arms before commencing to torture her. Such a sound of joy.

Also, note to self: I should not play sad, nostalgic music at a time like this. Stick to NPR news. Or silence.