Tuesday, August 22, 2006

mommy wants her body back

I'm still here. I had contractions like mad all night (well, every 10 minutes or so, but each one of them woke me up or kept me from getting back to sleep), and I've been having them off and on all day, but still, nothing to go to the hospital over. I am edgy and cranky and tired, and while Steve and I were getting dinner ready, I broke down sobbing when he mentioned he was going to go to the gym tonight (like he always does on Tuesday nights). Not that he's gone long — and he has his pager with him — or that I'm incapable of being without him for an hour. I am just so tired of feeling like my life is on hold. I'm tired of waiting, of aching whenever I sit down or stand up, of not being able to sleep, of not knowing if it's safe to drive while I'm having a contraction, of feeling so emotionally volatile, of not knowing what the next day will bring. I want to be done with this endless stretch of limbo. I want my body back. I want to meet this little boy who seems to love it so much inside my body.

Patience, patience, patience. Whether he comes on his own or we have to drag him out, he will be here soon. Oh, and Steve just got home and said, "Ready to watch a movie? Ready to get a foot massage?" Oh, yeah.

16 comments:

Kerry said...

You poor dear. I *know* it will be worth it when you hold him in your arms, but I understand your desire to get him OUT! I hope once your true labor begins, that it will be swift. Hang in there as best you can. You have a lot of people thinking of you.

Missy said...

Oh, Em, I've been thinking about you. The night before I went into labor I broke into tears and felt like I couldn't handle going another day. Maybe it's a good thing - like when you wash your car and then it rains. You cry and then you go into labor. :)

LutherLiz said...

Oh honey, I'm sorry. It will happen and you can hang in there. It is not easy and I can't even imagine it but lemmondrop will get here soon!

liz said...

Oh, yuck - I can't even imagine the frustration you must be feeling. You're such a trooper! Keep hanging in there. We are all thinking of you!

Laura said...

Hoping and praying that have met your son by now!! :)

Susanne said...

Oh Em, I know how maddening it must be. I mean - I've never been pregnant in any way, shape, or form, but I've had chemo, radiation, and open heart. It sucks, and you have every right to feel this way. Like you said, you just want your body back (and a new tiny body with you)!

Megan T said...

Thinking of you too! I know that it seems without end. It is so rare in our just-in-time society that something so powerful and important as childbirth cannot be predicted or planned (naturally). The amazing thing is that once it happens, everything will change so fast that you will be swept up in the new and exciting world of Mommyhood and the waiting will seem like a faint (and quiet) memory! Hang in there!

Elizabeth M said...

Breathe Emi, Breathe!
Love you, Mean it

Cynthia said...

Just letting you know that I was thinking of you.

Susanne said...

Like Megan said, once Lemmondrops is born, the experience of motherhood will take over and everything will be fine. It's just waiting. I loath waiting, but things will be just fine.

Monkeymama said...

If you are still around, I think you should focus on doing something independant. Soon you'll have to organize your social activites with a baby or with whomever will watch the baby. I've been yearning to just pick up and do something in my new town without scheduling it around naps, meals, or Greg's busy schedule.

Carrie said...

oh ,Emilie
you poor girl
I hope your little boy decides that SOON he wants to come out. I'm praying for you and Steve & baby boy L.
I predict in 2 days he will decided (my uneducated, non-medical guess) LOL

Cynthia said...

I'm hoping that since I have not seen a post since Tuesday, that you are in a hospital giving birth?
Could Lemmondrop have made his debut?

Elizabeth M said...

August 25, 2006 ... I'm praying that this will be Lemmondrop's birthday for your sake. (or maybe August 24 since I haven't heard yet)
Again, Love you, Mean it.. Lizba

Regina said...

Hey! What's going on over there!?!?

I realize Em's got her hands full right now and has other things to worry about besides blogging. Does anybody else have an update--maybe one of the sisters? You could post to comments!

LutherLiz said...

Hey everyone if you are there...Emilie had her baby! Daniel Joseph! He showed up on Friday night by c-section. I got to visit the family today and they are all doing well. I took some pictures and got Emilie's permission to post them so they are over at my blog: lunargoat.blogspot.com

Come see!