Wednesday, August 29, 2007

things are moving

This afternoon we met the doctor who is going to do my surgery. He's with the University of Minnesota-Fairview system, which is very highly regarded, and I think he's going to be good. As good as anyone can be with this kind of sarcoma, at least. Plus, he and I have the same birthday! He brought the chief resident with him, and all I could think was, "OK, what is a chief resident again? Who is the chief resident on Grey's Anatomy? Is it Dr. Bailey?"

I should know the date for the surgery tomorrow sometime. He wants to get me in quickly, so he's going to move a few things around for me. The surgery itself will be long — four to five hours — and I might lose my kidney. Hopefully I won't lose any part of my vena cava (the big blood vessel), but if I do, they will have to graft something in to replace it. Hopefully I won't lose the baby, either. But that is a big unknown.

Both of us felt better leaving this doctor this afternoon than we did leaving the one this morning. Maybe it's just confidence that I'm going to get the best care possible. And that even if the cancer comes back — there's a 40 to 50 percent chance of that happening, which seems so high to me — I can hopefully expect to live a while longer, to keep fighting this as long as I can with regular checkups and careful scrutiny.

I'm kind of numb right now. I just had an interview for an article I'm working on, and at one point, she brought up pregnancy and feeling her baby move and the visitation story of Mary and Elizabeth, and I ended up telling her everything. Not very professional, but I don't really care.

I want to say something to people who might be reading this and haven't heard from me directly. I'm sorry you have to find out this kind of news on my blog, and that I'm not able to call all of you personally. I know it's not the best way to learn bad news. I simply don't have the energy to call a lot of people right now, and I hope you understand.

And now, I need to go spend some time with my family.


Kristie said...

Em, Mike and I are praying for you and your family. I really mean it when I say if there is anything that you need please call and if you are not up to calling please email. I'm close, I will come at a moments notice. I can babysit Daniel, I can run to the store for you, I can make a meal, anything you need we are here for you.

I want to call you but I know that you are tired and need time with your family so if you want to talk please know that I am only a phone call away.

My heart and prayers go out to you. You are very strong, do not underestimate your strength!

Much Love!

LutherLiz said...

Emilie, I am glad to read this post tonight. It must be terrifying to think about surgery and the possiblities about what may happen, but I am SO glad to know that you are in good hands and that things are moving forward for you. Thanks for keeping us posted. Chris and I are praying for you all. Remember, so many people love and care for you!

Mary Beth said...

I'm a RevGal friend of LutherLiz's. Praying for you with all my might.

Missy said...

Emilie, thanks for the update. I'm glad you felt better about this appointment and that the surgery will be right away. I'm thinking about you and your family a lot and praying for you.

Roxy said...

we are all here for you guys! prayers work wonders.

jamie said...

Thank you for sharing all of this with us. Your blog is written in such a personal voice that I'm sure people feel like you've told them individually. You're generous to let us in. I am glad to hear there are surgical options, and I know God will be right there with you and your baby. Angels will be holding your hand I promise. Since I'm on the West Bank, I'm really close if anything is needed.
Jamie P.

Anonymous said...

Emilie, My prayers and positive thoughts are with you, Daniel and Stephen. Be good to yourself and if there is ANYTHING I can do, please let me know.

May the Light of God Surround You
May the Love of God Enfold YOu
May the Power of God Protect You
May the Presence of God Watch Over You and wherever You are GOD IS and Know All Will Be Well.

Love, Mary Gibbs

Vicki (aka Kodi's mommy) said...

Thank you for the update. I'm sending all my best to your family.

Anonymous said...

Mom mentioned that you had seen the doctor (with the same birthday)!

I think it's good that you talked about this with the person you were interviewing. I imagine you were very tactful, and even if not, oh well!

I will try to call later. Frankly, the figures of 40 - 50% sound good. Plus I know many people with just one kidney.

But all the good news in the above paragraph doesn't compare to the fact that a week ago, you had no clue of cancer, and now this. I'm so sorry, Em. I wish it were me. I'm experienced with this. Not that you won't get through it, but I still wish it were me.


Soupy said...

You are constantly on my mind and in my prayers.
Hang in there. Stay strong and fight it!

Ellen said...

Em, the reason I haven't called you is because I know you are already balancing everything but I'll call this weekend. I'm hearing everything from mom, Susanne and this blog. So no worries.
If you're not sure about the fate of your unborn, then I offer myself as a surrogate womb, if you can save the baby by transplanting it into me. I'll fly out for it. Plus, maybe you could get a new kidney from an organ donor bank.

Eric, Cindy, Aidan and Clancey said...

Em, Wow, things are happening so fast. Thanks for updating us. I think of you all the time and am saying little prayers for you. Your strength will get you through this.

liz said...

Wow, Ellen, I don't know you, but your comment to this post really made me tear up! Emilie, what generous family you have!

I'm glad to hear things are moving. Know that you are in our CONSTANT thoughts & prayers.

Cynthia said...

I am thanking God for the positive outcome that he has already predestined for you, Emilie.