This afternoon we met the doctor who is going to do my surgery. He's with the University of Minnesota-Fairview system, which is very highly regarded, and I think he's going to be good. As good as anyone can be with this kind of sarcoma, at least. Plus, he and I have the same birthday! He brought the chief resident with him, and all I could think was, "OK, what is a chief resident again? Who is the chief resident on Grey's Anatomy? Is it Dr. Bailey?"
I should know the date for the surgery tomorrow sometime. He wants to get me in quickly, so he's going to move a few things around for me. The surgery itself will be long — four to five hours — and I might lose my kidney. Hopefully I won't lose any part of my vena cava (the big blood vessel), but if I do, they will have to graft something in to replace it. Hopefully I won't lose the baby, either. But that is a big unknown.
Both of us felt better leaving this doctor this afternoon than we did leaving the one this morning. Maybe it's just confidence that I'm going to get the best care possible. And that even if the cancer comes back — there's a 40 to 50 percent chance of that happening, which seems so high to me — I can hopefully expect to live a while longer, to keep fighting this as long as I can with regular checkups and careful scrutiny.
I'm kind of numb right now. I just had an interview for an article I'm working on, and at one point, she brought up pregnancy and feeling her baby move and the visitation story of Mary and Elizabeth, and I ended up telling her everything. Not very professional, but I don't really care.
I want to say something to people who might be reading this and haven't heard from me directly. I'm sorry you have to find out this kind of news on my blog, and that I'm not able to call all of you personally. I know it's not the best way to learn bad news. I simply don't have the energy to call a lot of people right now, and I hope you understand.
And now, I need to go spend some time with my family.