Tuesday, September 18, 2007

i'd like a big glass of whine

Dear Oprah,

Ugh, why did you go and publish that piece in this month's issue about how venting isn't really helpful and how courageous people (like Ghandi) learn to quit their bellyaching and channel it into positive change? Oprahhhhhhh. I just want to complain right now. I'm having a tough week. I am tired all the time. I don't hurt as much, but it still wipes me out to get through breakfast, much less the rest of the day. Mom is here, but Daniel doesn't like being around her if I'm not there — maybe he associates her with us leaving him. Sometimes he sobs if I just leave the room to go to the bathroom. So I feel like I'm doing more babysitting than I have the energy for, and it's exhausting for me, and it's frustrating for Mom, too. I'm glad Steve has a chance to go to work this week, but what on earth are we going to do when it's just him and me? I feel like I need as much care as a toddler sometimes. No one said this was going to be easy.

And then there's this control thing. Would you please publish an inspirational article about what to do when you're so out of control of your body, so physically helpless — no abdominal strength, no energy, no appetite despite eating for two, no lifting objects more than 10 pounds — that you are hypersensitive to things being out of control around you? Like a half-changed crib sheet. Or the George Foreman grill sitting out on the countertop instead of in its correct place on the shelf? Or the little cartons of yogurt that get lost in the refrigerator and trigger this giant panic reflex that the world is spiraling out of my control all around me? Oprah, how do I reign that in and refrain from taking it out on my saint of a husband and mother with an attitude of peevish snappishness? How, Oprah, how? I don't want to turn into one of those bitchy invalids who bark orders from their easy chairs all day.

Maybe, just this time, it's better to let it all out in one big vent. I'll think about all the ways I can channel my frustration into positive change during the long sleepness hours when I can't sleep at night. I'm sure that's what Ghandi did.

Love you, love the magazine,



Anonymous said...

Well love, there's this thing called The Serenity Prayer. Nobody's worn it out yet. I know I've sure tried. xxx--mdm

Elizabeth in MIssissippi said...

I'm listening.
Nods of affirmations.

I don’t mine the Whine…
(You want a little cheese with that?!)


Monkeymama said...

I don't think you are supposed to read articles about ways to suffer positively while you are actually suffering. I think Oprah meant you to read it while doing something like getting your nails done, so that, you know, you wouldn't get upset latter when you chipped the polish putting on your shoes. :)

Anonymous said...

I like what Monkeymamma said. Maybe a manicure company hired Oprah to publish that in her magazine.

I know how it feels when you feel you don't have enough resources to cope with what's going on. For me it's often time - for you Em, it's manpower (or personpower). Once Mom leaves, it will be tough. I'll be there in October, but that doesn't count for the 3 weeks in between.

You'll make it.

- Susanne

Anonymous said...

Hey, Emilie,

I'll keep trying to reach you for a "play date", but regarding the emotions: your body is putting ALL it's energy and resources into healing right now. There really is nothing left for "unimportant" functions like emotional control when the bod is more interested in healing itself. This, too, will pass. In the meantime, cry. Lots. That might help. And kiss Steve. That should certainly help. :-)

--Laura D'E.C.F.E.

Roxy said...

Oprah - pfffftt. she pays someone to worry & crap for her.

I say nothing like an all out screaming fit! Next time Daniels cries & hollers when you leave the room - join him! Yell at the top of your lungs - or at least as loud as you can handle ;) He'll be giggling at you in no time.

Eva & I are coming for a play date soon - she will keep Daniel busy.


Ellen said...

If we adhere to the teachings in Oprah magazines, we would not the same person every month because nothing in there is consistent. For example, she will probably suggest next month a new way to cope, better than before, and completely different: A venti cup of vent to cleanse the system of emotional ickies, once and for all!
Most of us aren't Ghandi and you definitely should't compare yourself to him right now, nor strive to be. Unless you really want to...then don't listen to me :-)
If it makes you feel better, Oprah makes me even more depressed. It's best to approach hard times the way that works best for you and not try to do it a different way. That comes after healing.

Megan said...

Go for it! You only live once.

It would be pretty cool if Oprah posted a response on your blog, don't ya think? :)

Chris said...

Now, I'm not an expert on Oprah as I've never watched he show. I did read an Oprah book club selection once, but that was required reading for a class. Even so, I'm pretty sure that this represents a major policy shift for her. She could be flat wrong . I can think of plenty of courageuos people who did all kinds of bellyaching. Lincoln, Ghandi, Harry Potter, and Jesus. In fact, I'm quite comfortable saying that Jesus was complaining in the Garden after he'd had the courage to give the pharisees the finger.
My point is, Go ahead and BITCH, most of us can't begin to understand what you're going through, but we can listen, and we'll all do anything we can to help.

LutherLiz said...

Emilie, my husband managed to say what I've been trying to figure out how to say all day. I agree with him: You are the best judge of what is good for your recovery. If that includes venting, vent away. None of us would ever think less of you for it. (I may think less of Oprah however!)

Jamie said...

I agree with everyone else here - vent away! Keeping all of that negative energy inside is not going to help you heal, but getting it out will! This is not an easy road, and you need to do what is best for YOU to recover.

Not to overstep, but I found that getting some professional help was a really good choice when I went through my first cancer treatments. It made a huge difference to have a "safe" place I could talk about all of my feelings and reconnect with myself, without having to worry if I may upset/offend someone else. I hope each day gets a little easier for you :)

liz said...

I'm late in responding here, but... Oprah is wrong. I feel pretty comfortable saying that. There is a big difference between dwelling in lifelong self-pity and temporarily venting about a crappy situation you didn't ask for. I certainly don't suggest you do the former, but you won't. The latter is healthy, productive, and necessary. Whine away, I say!