mom, blues, babysitters, boobies

My mom is here from Oregon for a week, and I couldn't be happier to have her here. Our house is clean and tidy, Daniel (who has warmed up to her much more quickly than he did in September) is getting some quality outdoor time, and I appreciate the company and extra pair of hands.


Speaking of hands, doesn't Daniel's look huge here?


I am thinking about hiring a nanny, babysitter or post-partum doula of some sort to help me out for a while when Mom leaves. Steve has a business trip in a few weeks, which makes me very nervous. But it's not just the trip; I'd just like some help in general. The first few days of him being back at work last week (before Mom arrived) were challenging, though not as tough as I anticipated in some ways. I didn't end the day shellshocked like I did with Daniel, maybe because I have a little experience with infants now, and maybe because Ben is an entirely different sort of baby. Daniel was constantly fussy and rarely slept. Ben sleeps a lot, and he seems less fussy when he's awake. Last night, he slept from 9:30 p.m. to 5:30 a.m., I kid you not. I woke up several times with leaky breasts wondering whether I should wake him. But the night before had been tougher; he was up every couple of hours, and I spent yesterday morning in a teary state of post-partum blues (or Monday blues), feeling like I couldn't cope with anything.

On the plus side, some women from a mom's group are bringing us meals twice a week, and that's been wonderful. And Daniel is so sweet with his brother. He likes to put his head down on Ben's chest and lean in for "hugs." And he's getting better at being gentle around his face. He likes to watch me feed him, too — and he's taken a newfound interest in my breasts (which he knows only as "boobies" — thanks, Steve!). Last night, he saw me in the tub, and he leaned over, put his mouth very close to one of them, and pretended to "drink some milk." When he was done, he smacked his lips and said, "Aaah!"


At any rate, some days are better than others, and they'd all be better if I could walk freely without my cane. As it is, this hip stuff feels like a big, cruel joke. Here it is springtime, and I'm not pregnant anymore — my body should be my own. I should be taking the boys on long walks in the stroller, cavorting in the park in the sunshine! But walking long distances is super-painful, and I can't carry anything (or anyone) heavy, which means I feel sequestered indoors most of the time. Where's the empowerment superhero when I need her?! I have got to find some things I can do in spite of this. Here's one: I can put Ben in a sling and take Daniel out in the yard. We've made that expedition once. It went OK, except when Daniel refused to come back inside and I tried to lift him, and I triggered a raw nerve or something that is part of this hip issue and almost dropped him. Maybe we'll try it again next week.

Which is why I'd like to have some part-time help, like I said above — and if any of you know of someone who might do a good job, or if you have ideas for finding a babysitter that don't involve Craig's List, please let me know!