Thursday, June 5, 2008

'let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees'

I woke up this morning and noticed a few strands of hair on my nightgown. I looked at my pillow, and it was covered with a fine, thin layer of brown hair. So it's beginning.

I'd felt a telltale sign yesterday when my scalp began tingling. I've heard that happens right before your hair starts to fall out. Still, today feels wierd. When I run my fingers through my hair, a couple dozen strands come out with them. Brushing pulls out a good clump, too.

"You're not losing your spirit — just your hair," Steve said this morning.

I haven't decided whether to cut it all off today or tomorrow or to let it keep falling out and see how long it takes to lose all of it. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event, after all. (Hopefully.) Part of me is curious about what the process is like. The other part just wants to get it over with and start wearing my wigs. (Two more arrived in the mail last week from a friend in New Orleans — platinum white and seafoam green! He bought them at a shop where, apparently, all the best drag queens in the Big Easy get their wigs. Or something like that.)

I'm saving my hair in a gallon-sized Ziploc bag. I'd like to do something special and meaningful with it. Maybe give it a new home under some rocks on the North Shore. Or burn it and sprinkle the ashes somewhere. I don't know. (Any ideas?) In the meantime, though, I'm sure our new nanny thinks it looks awfully strange for me to be wandering around the house with a bag of hair in my hand!

20 comments:

kristine said...

It made me cry to read what Steve said. Such a sweet man.
I am sorry you are losing your hair. I can't wait to see your wigs!!!! Really, i can't! I bet you pull them off without a hitch!

Emilie said...

I'd probably pull them off better if I weren't hobbling around with a cane and wearing glasses ... but I'll do my best! ;-)

Ellen said...

Sorry to hear it's starting, Em. Steve said best what's true. My suggestion is to shave it off and start wearing the wigs. Only cuz that's what Sam did in SATC and we seem to be on that kick this week! Then you could save the hair and pour it around your backyard, the park or somewhere in nature next spring for birds to make their nests with. It can symbolize new life.

Anonymous said...

Em, this is exactly how it was for me - it slowly started falling out about two weeks after my first round of chemo.

Remember when Samantha was losing her hair, and Smith cut his off to support her? I was moved to tears in that scene.

I'll be sure to bring you my wig, although it sounds like you have plenty to choose from already!

- Susanne

Anonymous said...

P.S. My suggestion is to donate your hair to a cancer wig foundation or something.

- Susanne

Coach Megan Thomas said...

What struck me in your post is what a loving and amazing man you have married.

mo*reezy said...

I suggest you burn it, and every time you have treatment, paint yourself with the ashes - gearing up for war, like the Native Americans did (and do in ceremonial ways today).

Seriously, I cannot wait to see you with drag queen hair!

Anonymous said...

I think you should keep all of your hair in that baggie and have it passed down to each generation. Daniel can give it to his eldest child and so on....

And, I think you're going to look HOT in your wigs!!! Cane and all. Hope to see you at PG soon :)

jennifer b.

Amy said...

Emilie - You amaze me with your positive attitude. You are a true inspiration despite everything you are going through.

Thank you again for sharing your story with us.

Prayers from France.

Amy

P.S. Happy 5th Anniversary!

Chas said...

You could take it to the forest and leave it for the birds and squirrels to use for their nests. I've hard of people doing that with hair.

Good luck! Your attitude about it all seems great.

liz said...

I think you should knit an afghan out of it. Just kidding!

I love what Steve said! Your very own Smith Jerrod. ;)

Anonymous said...

Maybe you could use it to knit a sweater. Instead of Mohair it could be Emhair.

Or maybe not. Ewwwwww. :-)

--Laura S.

Anonymous said...

What a sweet husband you have!

I have to admit that this is the first time I laughed while reading a post about someone losing their hair. Don't get me wrong, I am very sorry it's starting to happen. I just can't get over your comment about the drag queen wigs. :-) Your attitude and sense of humor never cease to amaze me.

Marketing Mama said...

As a former smoker who burned my hair accidentally a number of times, I'm not sure I'd advise you to burn your hair. It kind of singe-burns super fast and smells really bad...

That said, I've actually seen on tv there's some woman who knits pet hair into afghans for their owners... so that could be an option. I like that you are searching for something meaningful to do with it. I'm sorry you have to do it at all... damn.

Suzanna Catherine said...

Emilie, I continue to be amazed at your good humor through all of this. Thank you for sharing your journey.

Last year, my cousin lost her hair after chemo for stage IV breast cancer. When it started coming out she got the "buzz cut" and began wearing her scarves. I'm not sure what she did with the hair, but it was rather short to start with. It's been a long haul for her, but she's officially in remission, and her hair has grown back thick and curly! She says her hair was always straight as a stick, and now it is curly, curly, curly!

I'd love to see a photo of the seafoam green wig. You'd be all set for St. Patrick's Day!

(((hugs))) and prayers.

LutherLiz said...

I don't know about me, the curiousity of watching it fall out naturally maybe would win, but then again the feel of shaving it all off could be cool too.

I can't wait to see the wigs. I can see some appeal in being able to change who you want to be each day.

Soupy said...

I think wearing the wigs will let some of your inner, secret "I always wanted to be like ....." come thru! :)
I love what Steve said- he is a gem. You are so lucky to have him. As you know.
Praying for your strength thru all this. Hugs.

Ahuva Batya said...

I think the desire to call the shots and be in control would win out over watching the process, so I would shave it all off. I love the ideas you have for it, and also how incredible Steve is in his support. But also I am always amazed by your spirit and humor.

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