Her words weren't written for me, but they might well have been.
"Heck NO, I never felt like giving up and I NEVER asked "why me"!!! I want to live to be 100." she said, one cancer fighter to another who had posted on one of the sarcoma boards I sometimes read. "... Chemo sucks but if I can do it anyone can. Sorry I don't know about your type of sarcoma but someone makes those statistics and I am one of those people. There less than 20 people in the world with my type so there is very little research on mine. ... What have you got to lose? Life is full of ups and downs...this is just one of those downs. YOU can not change anything that has happened up to this point... Stop crying and start getting active in getting yourself well and healthy! Don't mean to be harsh but unless you are 90 and have one foot in the grave already....you have no reason to give up."
Well, yeah, it did sound kind of harsh. (I firmly believe it's OK to cry about cancer sometimes!) But audacious, too — she's dares to believe she's going to make up the small statistic of people who actually beat this thing. And I thought, if she can believe it, so can I.
Lately I've been feeling very ferocious about claiming my need to live my life without worrying about dying. Maybe it was the tumors shrinking. Maybe it was the Mayo Clinic doctors telling me they might be able to push me a long way. Maybe it's my excitement about our vacation to the West Coast this month. Maybe it was the kick in the pants this woman's post gave me to face my life with gusto and act as if I'm going to live to be 100. To believe it!
Sometimes my desire to live, to hold onto this world, hits me full force, like it did this morning when I was driving across the Mississippi River with Daniel on the way to the mall, and the chilly air winked with sunshine, and K.D. Lang's version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" was playing on the CD player, and I turned around to see how Daniel was liking the song, and we held each others' gaze just long enough until I needed to watch the road again, and tears came to my eyes because I love this life, this music, this autumn, my family, so much.
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10 comments:
Emilie,
This is such a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your self with us.
Pam
HALLELUJAH!
You have such a way with words -- and with life! What a gift for all who read this blog.
You have a lot to live for Em. "This life, this music, this autumn, my family, so much."
The following question may be an indicator that I know nothing about popular artists, but is the "Hallelujah" you're talking about a version of the Hallelujah chorus?
- Susanne
Emilie,
You are inspirational in how you keep positive and focus on living your life to the fullest.
I agree that the post on that board was a needed kick in the pants. We all need those from time to time.
All my best and prayers sent your way.
There's a great life lesson there for ALL of us, regardless of whether we have a cancer diagnosis or not.
And for you, why not believe in beating the odds? What is it about us humans that we always believe we'll be on the wrong side of the statistics? If you've got a choice in what to believe, you might as well believe in what you want to achieve.
Beautiful. :)
Beautiful, Emilie. Your words gave me goose bumps.
I came across your blog tonight, and just wanted to say how much I appreciate your beautiful, clear and compelling writing. It's a pleasure. Thanks for sharing it.
Keep loving life Emilie! It's worth it! Keep fighting, those gorgeous boys give you a lot of motivation.
I get goosebumps every time I hear that song - which is often as I have it on my ipod!!
It's something all of us forget to do much to often - live our lives to the fullest...
Hope you are feeling ok ~ Thinking of you -
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