Thursday, October 9, 2008

stream of consciousness

blah. what a shitty afternoon ... daniel wouldn't nap and wouldn't nap and i wanted to nap and he just kept being so damn cute playing with my hat, pulling it off my head, playing with my hair, my ears, my eyes, i touched your eye, laughing. i smile but i want him to take a nap so i can nap, and i'm so tired, and finally after an hour and a half and a mess of tomfoolery, i say you can take a nap, or you can go out and play with anna and benjamin, and he says ok, so i take him out there and say, now i'm going to go rest, but then he wants to come back with me because he is so attached to me and doesn't want to be without me. so there's more of the goofing off in the bed and i am not getting any sleep until anna takes him and ben for a stroller ride. finally. so then tonight we have a ticket to go see an author speak about how to cope when your kids are driving you nuts, and i am in such a bad mood cooking dinner, about to explode, poor steve keeps rubbing my shoulders and that helps a little, and then i'm running late and i drive to the school where it says it's going to be but it's not there, a lady says the location was changed, it's at a different school, so i drive to the new school, and i see teacher sue there, and she gives me a huge hug which feels good, and i go sit down, and the talk would be better if i weren't in such a shitty crappy mood, and all i end up doing is feeling really guilty that we don't have daniel's bedtime and naptime scheduled to a t. well, crap, come live at my house for a week. i guess there were some good ideas, but by 8 i was so antsy and irritated i decided to go home early, and when i got home, daniel was in his pajamas and gave me a big hug and kiss, and jane had just gotten benjamin to sleep, and she laid him down on our big bed, and he's there now, and i'm really in the mood to buy some new shoes or stationery or something pretty.

18 comments:

Jean said...

We've never met and I can't imagine living with what you live with, but in the 'for what it's worth' category...I say go buy the shoes. Maybe buy 2 pair. And wear them every day. Shoes are great...you can look at them and think they look really cool even if the rest of you looks like you just got knocked through a loop.
Buy the shoes. :-)

Anonymous said...

I say go for the shoes!

Hope tomorrow is better, and don't worry all of us parents do that same thing.

Mrs. S

JustKrisAgain said...

If we could only have them sleep at the 'right' times, be potty trained by two and whatever else the books/parenting experts say we should do in theory but in REALITY it is all much harder to practice at times. Cut yourself some slack as you are amazing for all you do day to day. Buy the shoes! And be happy to go to sleep and forget the shitty day. Good luck tomorrow!!

Anonymous said...

I liked that this was all once sentence. Just to let you know.
Ray

LutherLiz said...

Must have been something in the air today. My day was shitty too and all I wanted was to nap. I'm sorry it was frustrating. I hope tomorrow is better. I also say go for shoes, or stationary or both!

Jen said...

There is nothing better than retail theraphy. Get yourself something pretty!

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about the shitty day, Emilie. Kate and I have similar nap issues sometimes. Hope today is better!

Shannon

Monkeymama said...

Emilie - I've been so impressed with all the energy you have put into your fight against cancer. It is too easy for me to forget that you also have to handle all the stress that comes from raising two little ones. The two kids alone have been too much for me this week - you are a woman of amazing strength.

Heather said...

Emilie,
No room for guilt right now...motherhood and cancer are a tricky mix. I remember a speech therapist telling me I need to work on "behavior" issues with my fourth child. Ha! During chemo, there's only room for food, shelter, and lots and lots of love. You're doing all of those.

Praying for rest for you this weekend.

Heather

Betty M said...

One can never have too much pretty stationery - or shoes.

Jessica Griffith said...

I vote for the shoes. I love my new Keens--cute, comfy and shipped right to me from Zappos. I went to the talk and I am sorry I didn't see you there. Her books are more reassuring, and I agree with ppers that you are doing all you can and then some.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Emilie,

Ain't motherhood grand? Thank goodness we can put them to bed, grab a drink (whatever you like), and stare at shoes or music or the ilk on-line. I love the internet. Surf, surf, surf. Ahhhh.

--Laura S.

c said...

emilie~~i am not even sure how i first found your site some time ago, but i "refound" it early this morning when i awoke, couldn't go back to sleep~~

i read your whole blog~~i was captivated by your story and found it to be one of the most well written stories i have ever read it a blog~~

the love that you have for your husband is so awesome and the love of your two boys shows with each sentence you write~~

the legacy that you are leaving for your future grandchild is going to be priceless~~and i believe that you will be around to read the story of how their fathers were raised to them~~and hopefully the boys grandchildren as well

i wish for you all of the things that you desire and i hope and pray that your cancer will be held in check because your love is unmeasurable

charlene in arkansas

Anonymous said...

Emilie, as far as kids ... I have 3, all under 4 - and there are days that I could buy the whole damn shoe warehouse!!!!! Cancer is like your third child, but a demented, crazy child that you have a hard time 'parenting'! God is obviously blessing you and giving you the strength that so many of us wish we had every day! so I say - if you want the whole damn shoe warehouse - BUY IT! :+) (and may God keep blessing you & your boys!)
-Heather H

Catherine Hennessey said...

Ah Emilie. Screw the shoes. Things won't give you peace or rest. As you well know, your treasure is not there.

You are on a difficult journey and, by God, you're gliding along with class and courage. I hope you got a little rest last night -- I'm always amazed at how much better I feel when I've had some sleep.

You go, girl!

Roxy said...

Get the shoes - you deserve it! You are a great mom - you can see it in the boys smiles and the light in their eyes. a perfect bedtime/naptime isn't going to do that - only a parent's love can!

Rebecca said...

I think we all have days like that. Those days are like nightmares I used to have as a kid where I couldn't move. I'd be chased by a monster, bear, or scary clown, but I couldn't move. It was as if my body was made of lead. On bad days like you describe, I feel the same way.

anti-supermom said...

This post speaks volumes to me. There are days when everything, I mean everything just is out of whack and then there are moments that are simply perfect.

Hope those overshadow the whacky days.