please ...

... let it be nothing bad.

I seem to have some kind of unidentifiable something on the right side of my abdomen, near my liver. Blob. Lump. Mass. Medical types have referred to it those ways, but all I really feel is a hardness when I press my fingers into my right side just below my rib cage. Nothing hurts. I spent almost three hours at the hospital this morning getting it looked at on ultrasound (got to see the baby, too), and they were able to rule out certain things, like that it's connected to my liver or kidney or gall bladder or reproductive system. But the radiologist told me it's really hard to identify stuff in that part of the body on ultrasound. They'd do a CT scan if I weren't pregnant, but all that radiation could hurt the baby. So tonight, in less than an hour, I am going back to the hospital to have an MRI. I am just praying that it will be nothing more than an embarrassingly large glob of stool stuck in my intestinal tract and not something worse. The doctor also murmured something about enlarged lymph glands. I don't even want to Google that or think about it unless I have to. Because my sister has been down that road, and it wasn't pretty. Whatever it is, knowing will be better than not knowing, I hope.

I walked in the house after my ultrasound, and Daniel was in the high chair having lunch, and he gave me a big smile, and I got all melodramatic inside, thinking, I have to live to see this boy grow up. Later, I let tears fall, but not when he was looking because I don't like him to see me like that, and I already had a big sobfest in front of him last week over something ... I don't know, something hormonal that made me cry.

I really hope it's nothing. Please send a few prayers our way.