Friday, April 18, 2008

sorry i missed you

The results hadn't been read by a radiologist by the time I got to my appointment with Dr. T. He said he didn't see anything out of the ordinary in my abdominal area — not with his untrained eye, anyway — but he'd call this afternoon when he got official results.

So this afternoon, he calls. 5:20 p.m. But our f&*%ing phone is broken. We can't hear it ring, and we only know there's a call coming in when the answering machine picks up the message. Then we call back using my cell phone. Only, Dr. T. didn't leave a call-back number. He just said, "This is Dr. T. Sorry I missed you. I'm calling to discuss your CT scan results." That was it.

Sorry I missed you.

And now I have to wait all weekend.

There hasn't been any *bad* news today, so why am I so numb and drained and depressed? Because today, again, I was "the cancer patient." I've had to stare down that dragon, that part of my identity I am loathe to embrace.

Dr. T. seemed most concerned about my hip, of all things, and wanted to make sure we get it checked out, to make sure there's no connection between the hip problem and the cancer or the surgery. Of course, now, every time I feel it twinge and ache, I wonder anew. ... He also wants me to see a medical oncologist (he's a surgical oncologist) for a second opinion about whether I need to follow up the surgery with radiation or chemo. I don't see the need for it if my scans are clear, and he didn't think it was warranted while I was pregnant. But Dr. T. thinks it would be a good idea to get that second opinion. So now I have an appointment set up for May 7 with one Dr. S., whose office is across the hall from Dr. T., and who handles pretty much all the sarcoma cases in the area.

On the plus side, Ben is doing really well with the bottle feeding!

Steve and I (and Ben) stopped for lunch at Blondie's on the way home, and Ben slept the whole time in his car seat, and it felt almost like we were on a date. It was nice. And the carrot cake was to die for.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Emilie, it is frustrating indeed to have to wait all weekend for the stupid test results. And I want to tell you that Dr Ey used to call me and say the same thing on the machine - that he wanted to "discuss the results of the CT scan." He would say this even if the scan was clean.

With radiation and chemo, the best thing is to find out how effective it will be. You may want to get a percentage on how helpful chemo or radiation would be. For me, it was essential for a cure - for other cancers, it's more of a supplement. When Mary's friend Doreen had colin cancer, they recommended chemo for a supplement, and Doreen refused. (That was over 5 years ago and she's doing great now.)

Em, you may even have to ask the doctor what the percentages are (in terms of how helpful chemo or radiation would be). They can be really asshole-ish if you ask them face to face, so just send them a fax, requesting the percentages. Then call the nurse later to get the answers to the faxed request.

Please keep me updated.

- Susanne

Anonymous said...

Also, Em, most oncholigists (sp?) are recommending second opinions these days, more or less on general principles. I wish they did that when I was having my own illness. So if Dr T says to have a second opinion, it doesn't necessarily mean he's convinced there's something wrong - it's probably on general principles.

Marketing Mama said...

Wow, how frustrating to miss that phone call. Sounds like a very stressful time for you. I'll be thinking of you. I'm so happy to hear Ben took to the bottle okay!

liz said...

Aughhh... how frustrating that you didn't get to talk to the dr. I am choosing to see this as a positive since if the news were bad, they'd likely call you back or want you to come in!

I have been thinking about you all day today. Much peace to you...

LutherLiz said...

Emilie I'm sorry that you had to miss the phone call today, though I agree with the earlier post, if it was bad news they probably would have urged sooner contact or left a number and stuff.

I'll keep on praying for good news and I'm glad that Ben is doing well and that there was medicinal carrot cake in your day.

kristine said...

I am so sorry you missed the call. Even if it is no news or good news - it's still hard to have to wait all weekend. Hopefully you can do something to take your mind off of it...a litte.
I, too, am glad to ehar Ben is taking to the bottle well. That is awesome!

Kristie said...

That is so frustrating. I have been thinking about you a lot lately.

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Jo on the go said...

That stinks! I hope you do what you can to treat yourself on Sunday: bath, back rub, coffee, nap, book, movie...

Anonymous said...

#%*&$%!!!!

Hang in there this weekend. Our prayers are still flowing.

Susan

Ahuva Batya said...

Em, John and I have been thinking about you all weekend. I'm so sorry to hear you had to live the weekend in suspense, and you had to deal with the extra stress of an IV. what an emotionally draining thing to go through, and then to have to wait. I truly hope though, that they can find the reason your hip is getting worse, and remedy it. And I'll be checking for more news. Hang in there. (HUGS)

Anonymous said...

And now you wait again.... We're all waiting with you, Em. Hang in there! Those docs are all human, too. Gentleness is your strength here, for your docs and yourself and your family.

--Laura S.

Beth said...

Oh Emilie, I've been thinking about you and praying you are at peace.