Friday, December 19, 2008

the next ... and probably last ... chapter in my life

I have put this post off for a couple of days because there were important family and friends who needed to know first. And honestly, as Steve and I process the latest news, me all looped up on narcotics pain-killers, I have been at a loss for how I will write about it here.

So here it is: As of yesterday, I am officially in home hospice care. It is time for me to start preparing to die. It's so surreal. We're still trying to work through the many emotions that come from this news — sadness, fear, worry that I won't get everything done in time. And yet, there's also a sense that this final part of my journey might perhaps be one of the most amazing and spiritual times of my life.

Dr. S said the tumors in my right lung look worse — that "most of my right lung is occupied by tumor and liquid associated by the tumor." The tumors have also pushed my liver inward quite a bit. He said he didn't think any more could be done with chemo or surgery or radiation, and in the end, I think both he, Steve and me were on the same page.

Home hospice has already come in and set up a hospital bed in our room that makes my sleeping much more comfortable. In fact, I'm floored by the helpful, compassionate attitude that comes with this program. I never wanted to die in the hospital, and hospice will enable me to die surrounded by my loved ones in my home. Steve has always supported me in this, and I am so grateful.

I'll write more later. Right now, I need to go rest. Meanwhile, I will leave you with the link to my latest Catholic Spirit column, which came out in yesterday's issue. It's what's been on my mind for the past week and a half, and had I not written about it for the Spirit, I'd have spent quite a bit of time reflecting on it here. Enjoy.


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Amy M said...

Emilie - May God bless you and keep you in his arms. I will never stop praying for you, ever, my friend.

Carey said...

Oh Emilie! This has been the hardest thing I have ever read. Tears stream down my face, as I sit here and pray for you! and your family! I know we don't know each other, but I just want to send you the biggest hug that I have to offer.
May you find God sitting beside you through this difficult time in your life. I pray you are able to find the joys in the days to come.
Your friend/sister in Christ,

Laura said...

I am so sorry to hear of this turn of events. May you find comfort in being home with your family during your last days. I will continue to pray for your strength and faith.

Almamay said...

I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts as your journey takes you down this new road. x

Monica said...

Oh emilie! may god comfort you and your family in your last days here on earth. My heart aches for you.

Reece's Mommy said...

You are loved.

Madwoman of Preserve Path said...

Emilie: God has plans for you and all of us, but accepting that is sometimes really, really hard. I'll pray for whatever is right for you. I'll pray for an end of pain. Most of all, I'll pray for all of your loved ones.

Jenni said...

Emilie, my heart and prayers are with you, as always. My husband recently went through something similar with his mom, and the hospice were workers were angels. We cannot say enough about how they cared for her, and the family, both before and after her death. Not that any of this is what you would have wanted, but I do hope that the coming days unfold in the best ways possible for you, with some sort of holiday magic and miracles for you, Steve, and the boys. *hugs*

wiebke said...

I'm keeping you in my prayers and think of you and your family daily. I'm so sorry.

Roxy said...

God Bless you my friend.

Bridget said...


I've been reading your blog for a few weeks. I am so sorry to hear of this turn of events. I will keep you in my thoughts.


*~*~Elle~*~* said...

I don't know what to say, but I know that I can't look without saying anything.

I'm thinking of you and your beautiful family. They are blessed for having you in their lives.

Laurie said...

God bless you and your family. I will keep all of you in my prayers.
Thank-you for sharing your life with us. You are an amazing woman.


Anonymous said...

*hugs* I wish there was more I could say. But know I am thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

It's hard to find the right words. I hope that in whatever time you have left that you'll be surrounded by the beautiful people who love you. I will pray especially hard for your little guys during this trying time that they might not always understand.

liz said...

We love you, Emilie. Peace.

April-C-A said...

Em, there are no words to convey the feelings I have right now. I'm mad, I'm sad... I want to hit something really hard. I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

You're not just one of the "good ones" Emilie, you're one of the "great ones".

JPickles said...

Oh, Emilie my heart breaks for you at this time. I wish I could protect you from this. I wish I could protect your children, your husband and you from the sadness you must feel. In a way though Emilie, regardless what happens under God's grace, you've left your mark on this earth. You've left a legend of strength and love for your family that is a blessing for them. You, in a way, are blessed though that you are able to absorb, cherish and love those around you to the depth of your life. You're able to tell people how much you love them and you're able to have people in return tell you how much you mean to them.
What you mean to me, Emilie is courage, strength and most of all life.
The courage that you mean to me resignates in many forms from the days when you tried so hard to concieve your babies all the way to the courage you showed while enduring treatment. The strenth you mean and show to me is in the way that you can continue to blog your life. To be able to enjoy your children, love them because they are the extention of you and not because you feel limited in time.
You represent life to me because because you've lived it and given it. You've given a legacy to your boys that love is endless and eternal and will never fade away.
Emilie, I will pray for you. I pray that you can come to peace knowing that you will not be forgotten in this world, because you have made a mark in so many people's hearts and souls and you will always live through the hearts of your children. Every beat of their hearts and every moment of their lives will be a direct result of the total love that you've given to them. You will be loved forever.
Much love to you. Thank you for teaching me to embrace life as you have. What an incredible woman you are on this earth.

Jill Calabrese

Soapchick said...

Thank you for sharing your journey Emilie. I wish you peace and comfort in God's loving arms. He will not fail you. You are loved by many and those left behind will take care of your beautiful boys - all three of them! Peace to you!

liz said...

P.S. What a lovely column.

Sue said...

I'm so sorry. I'm wishing you much peace in this final chapter and I'm so glad you will be experiencing it at home with your beloved family.

Stephanie said...

I've only been reading of your journey for a few weeks now, and daily you have been in my prayers. I pray that comfort finds you in this next chapter of your life.

Katy said...

May God hold you strongly in his arms as you make this final journey. I have loved getting to "know" you over the past few years, through the fertility boards and then through your beautiful blog.

May God also continue to watch over your beautiful boys and amazing husband. You have been an inspriration to so many of us to lead a better and fulfilling life. I will keep you in my prayers as you spend these days with your family.

You will always be remembered, through your strength and through the eyes of your boys. May God bless you and your family

mo*reezy said...

I'm so sorry, Emilie. I'll keep praying for a miracle, even if that miracle ends up to be different than we'd all like. Peace and love to you, Steve, Daniel, and Ben.

Marie said...

Emilie, Steve, and boys:

May the road rise to meet you;
May the wind be always at your back; May sun shine warm upon your face, and until we meet again, my God hold you in the palm of his hand.

God Bless you and yours,
Marie Beckerleg
Moorhead, MN

darcie said...

Oh Emilie - I do not know what to say. I am so very sorry. I am proud of you for making this most difficult decision and hope that you will find comfort and peace. I will be praying for you, for Steve and for your sweet sweet boys.
Thinking of you - xoxo - darcie

Jen J said...

Oh Emilie!

I was dreading this when I saw that you didn't update your blog for a couple of days! SHOOT!

I want to Thank You for touching my life so deeply, both the few times that I've met you and through your writing (the columns & now your blog). You have a beautiful soul and I know that no matter what happens that will live on.

I pray that God holds you in His loving arms and allows you to retain some control as a part of Hospice care. I pray that you are allowed to make many, many more happy memories for your boys. They are your legacy and your love will stay with them as long as they live.

God bless you & your family & friends!

Many thanks!

littleangelkisses said...

Your courage and strength in sharing your life with us is amazing. It reminds me to cherish what I have and often take for granted. My thoughts are with you and your family. God bless you.

k@lakly said...

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and in my heart. I hope that you remain surounded by love and wrapped in the warmth of your beautiful family, forever.
I am so very sorry.

Jessica Griffith said...


I, too, dreaded this news. I am so angry this is happening to you, and am humbled by the way you share your story. Your boys will never be motherless; your love and the power of that love will be with them forever.

Prayers to you. Please let us know whether you want visitors, calls, etc.


LutherLiz said...

I wish you peace in fear, joy in sadness, and love everlasting. You are always in my thoughts dear friend.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

It was impossibly hard to read so I can't even imagine how hard it was to write. My heart is with you guys right now. I was thinking about asking you to set up a space so as the boys age, we can all keep reminding them of how much you mean to so many people--some in the face-to-face world, others who only know you online. And then I realized that this is that space.

Aunt Becky said...

Oh Emilie, I'm so very sorry to hear this news. If you need anything at all, please do not hesitate to ask. I'll be keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Dear Emilie - You've touched my heart with your strength and love, and my deepest prayers go out to you in this final journey. My tears mean little... but know that your words and openness with strangers has lightened so many lives. I'll share the biggest hug I have with you today.

Alex said...

Oh Emilie, I honestly have no clue what to write. I am so sorry for the way things are turning out, but I want to thank you so much for sharing your story, your emotions and your life with us all. You and your family are amazing people and the love and foundation you and Steve have will stick with your children as they grow.

You are an amazing woman. You are an amazing family. You all touched many lives and we are better people because of it. Thank you.

Tracy said...

Emilie, you are an amazing woman.. thank you so much for being willing to share this journey with the blog world.. I have learned a lot about myself from you.. you have been and will continue to be in my prayers as well as your husband and your boys.
God be with you dear Emilie.

Betty M said...

Emilie - I am so very sorry. I am thinking of you all now and in the days to come. That moment when hospice comes in is so very difficult. I hope you can get the time you want to prepare. I hope the admiration and love for you from your readers all over the world is a comfort.

Anonymous said...

Emilie....I am so sorry to hear of this news. I wish you joy, love and peace in the rest of your journey. I wish for you to be pain free and comfortable so you and your family can make memories. God's Peace to you.

Kelley said...

Emilie, I am so, so sorry. I'm with your other regular readers in wishing you peace...peace, and the joy you mentioned in your column. Thank you for touching my life.

empy said...

Dear Emilie,

I earnestly pray that this will be a special spiritual time in your life. I believe that you WILL have the time that you need, however much time that you need, to leave here at peace. It may take your loved-ones longer to find that peace, but they will find it too. Trust God with that as much as you trust him with yourself. I think that might just be the hardest part for someone in your shoes...leaving and knowing that Steve and your friends and family are hurting so much. But they are strong and loved, and they know they are loved, and they will heal.

I have a dear friend who died of Ewing's sarcoma earlier this year. He had longer than suspected after he called hospice. They kept him comfortable for much of the time, and he had time to write letters and wake up many mornings next to his love. I hope that you will have all of the mornings that you need, and that you and Steve and your family will get to say the things that are in your hearts.

The special people of hospice will be kind to your family when you're resting and when you're awake. May love fill the rooms of your home, even as the heartache does. I pray that love will conquer the fear and worry that could otherwise overwhelm you. You are a beautiful soul and will continue to be every step of the way.

You have given gifts to the world, gifts to your family, gifts to your friends. Remember this when you feel the urgency to do something more. Your life to this very day is your legacy, and the time that you have left will hopefully give you an opportunity to add finishing touches that mean something to you. But that time is not required - your life is strong and courageous and a testament to us all right now.


MrsSpock said...

Oh Emilie! My heart breaks for you all.

I hope you and your family find peace on this last leg of your journey.

Were a star quenched on high
For ages would it's light
Still traveling downward from the sky
Shine on our mortal sight.
When a good man dies
For years beyond his ken
The light he leaves behind him shines
Along the path of men.
~Alexander Russell Maine

Jill said...

Emilie, my heart aches for you and your family.
you have opened yourself up to all of us and in return i want to wish you nothing but peace, love and comfort.

you have accomplished so much in your time on this earth. you have - with your amazing, supportive husband - produced 2 beautiful boys that will carry on your legacy.

i'm so sorry.


J&PW said...

Emilie, my sister in law introduced me to your blog and I have been following it for the past year or so. I am so sorry and sad to hear this news. Blessed be your days. I will be thinking of you.

Molly said...

God bless you, Emilie. You and yours continue to be in my prayers. I wish you peace.

Gloria said...

Emilie, I'm so sad so I cannot imagine how you and your husband must be coping with this. Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us. I continue to pray for you and your family. I pray that you will have a holiday season filled with peace and love.

Anonymous said...

I know that you don't know me but I'm in tears as I read this. I was introduced to your blog by a friend and you inspired me to start my own and chronicle my day to day life with my husband and son. You have a profound impact on everyone around you, including strangers. May God hold you and your family close.

Heather said...

Ms. Ast, (I'm getting used to Lemmons!)
Greetings from Greenville! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. There is not enough space here to say everything I want to say. (I'll send you an email) Just know that you made a difference here in Greenville, Mississippi and your former student and Mayor loves you!

Heather McTeer Hudson
T.L. Weston Class of 94'
Mayor of Greenville, MS

Hempie said...

Emilie, may God bless you during this time. You are such a nice person and I'm glad to have known you. You were so welcoming at the book club parties. Peace be with you.

Love, Hempie

Soupy said...

I know God is getting you ready for his full embrace, but until then, may you find peace in the love that is surrounding you right now. I have been crying off and on since last night and cannot fathom the pain and strenth combined that you are feeling having written this and now living it.
Much love to you and kiss those boys of yours. You are prayed for, and loved, my movie buddy. *sniff*

Anonymous said...

Oh God. Words are woefully failing me right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Roxane B. Salonen said...

You are a treasure. You are a light of God. You are a beautiful gift.
I am so sorry we might not meet in person. I was hoping that could be the case. We will meet, but not in St. Paul, it looks like.
Prayers will not cease for you or your family. May God's grace enter into all the spaces that were made for it.
Blessings and e-hugs,
Roxane in Fargo

Anonymous said...

Emilie...I've been following your blog and am heartbroken to read what you're going through now. I hope that you are able to experience the joy you wrote about in The Catholic Spirit. May God welcome you home in His timing and may your family know that you are out of pain and suffering. You will be missed. God bless you.

Meg said...


I want to thank you and Steve for letting us into to your life during this difficult time. Be with your babies and family. You are in my thought and prayers.


Meg in Lower Alabama

otrey3 said...

Emilie, I'm thinking of the laughs and smiles we've shared and of the laughs and smiles we're still going to share together. And, by gum, I'm GOING to make you a smoothie. Maybe Steve will drink it, but I'm not giving up yet.

I'm proud of your post and think you're a gracious and grace-filled woman.

--Laura S.

otrey3 said...

And classy. I forgot to write classy.

--Laura S.

sharon said...


I have followed your journey for many months now and continued to be awed by your courage, your faith and your ability to express yourself under the most difficult of times. I am so glad you felt comfortable sharing your life and your wonderful family to all of your regular readers.

Words fail me now, except that your life is a blessing to so many people.

May God bless you and keep you
May God cause the divine light to shine upon you and be gracious to you
May God turn toward you, and grant you peace
(Numbers 6: 24-26).

Kristie said...

As always my thoughts and prayers are with you, Steve and your 2 beautiful boys.

I will always treasure the time I spent with you as you helped me on my journey into the Catholic faith. You were a great RCIA sponsor and I learned a great deal from you.

Most of all I am will always treasure our time as friends.

Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Meredith said...


I have been reading your blog for months though this is the first time I have commented, and I have to tell you, I am heartbroken after reading this entry.

I wish you and your family peace as you take this next step on your journey, and I thank you for sharing your story with so many. Please know that though we have never met, you will be deeply missed.

I'm so sorry.


Cara said...

What a blessed outlook you hold in this new phase of your journey. I marvel at your strength - even to write the words.

prayers abounding.

Emily said...

I want you to know how much you have touched my life through your blog, even though we never met in person. Thank you for being so honest and open about your thoughts and feelings.

I read yesterday's Catholic Spirit column, and (like everything you write) it was so beautifully and eloquently written. I had never considered that distinction between happiness and joy until now. You truly are an amazing woman. I will continue to pray for you and your beautiful family.

Mika said...

Emilie, you and your family will continue to be in my prayers. I hope that God brings you peace through the rest of your time here on Earth, enjoy your husband, and your boys, and my heart goes out to you all. Big hugs sweetie!

Martha said...

God Bless you and your family. You are not alone.

SG said...

I wish you love and blessings and peace. I know you have so many other things to do, but I wanted to say selfishly that I hope you still find occasion to post here because your writing has meant a lot to me as I walk a similar path.

Lisa said...

Oh Emilie,
My heart is so heavy with this news and tears haven't stopped streaming down my cheeks since I read your post. Over the months of reading your blog, you've touched my life in such a profound way. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us, and what a blessing that your sons will have it to read and cherish in their future. May g-d protect you and your family as you face this horrible turn of events. You'll always be in my thoughts. I hope a miracle is in your future and regardless, I hope you can find at least equal days of joy to sorrow in the days ahead.
With such warm wishes,
Lisa (from back on the old TTC board)

Donna-Marie Cooper O'Boyle said...


You don't really know me but I am praying for you and your family. I pray you can lean back softly into the arms of our dear Blessed Mother and be consoled, blessed, and nurtured. I pray that our dear Lord will give you peace and all you need, and hopefully a miracle!

God bless and hugs,


Meg said...

Dear Emilie-
We have never met, but I've followed your blog for some months, and I feel as though I have some sense of your dear spirit that comes through in your excellent writing. I've been praying for you and your guys and will continue to do so.
From my heart-Meg
ps I hope you are still wearing the *uck cancer hat!

Anonymous said...

Dearest Emilie, your journey has had so much impact on so many of us scattered all around the world. I feel blessed to have, in some small way, come to know you. Advent, this period of waiting culminates in such a joyful ending. I hope and pray for you that this time is one filled with love and light.
Much love and peace to you and Steve and your exquisite boys. xxxx

Tash said...

Delurking to tell you how humbled and awed I am by your grace and honesty. Holding you, and your family, in my heart.

Lynn said...

Emilie - I really have no profound words or anything to say that has not already been said by your other readers and friends. I decided to just say thank you. I have been reading your blog since April when my sister introduced it to me. Even though we have never met, I feel as if I have gotten to know you personally. Thank you for being an inspiration to me. Thank you for showing me that the smallest blessings in life matter the most. Thank you for showing me your faith and how it has molded you into the incredible woman that you are.

When I initially read your post today, I cried and cried. But my heart is full of admiration and love for you, a woman I have never met. You have truly touched my life in such a profound way. Thank you for that. I will still be thinking about you and praying for you each and every day. I am also praying for your beautiful family. I have been blessed in my own life by you and your words. God bless you.

Jeff & Heather said...

We have never met, but I have read your blog for months now. You have touched my life in ways I could never fully express, but am so incredibly thankful for. You and your family will be in our prayers through the coming weeks and months ahead. Thank you for being such a blessing to so many by sharing your story. You have touched more lives than you will ever know. May God bless you and keep you and your family now and always.

Barbara said...

"Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon, and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight." (Rossiter Worthington Raymond, 1840-1918)

We love you very, very much, my dear, and always will.


Amy said...

You have touched me, Emilie. Please know that you will never be forgotten. Both by people you know and people you've never met.

lauren said...

May the Lord wrap His loving arms around you and your family. Peace be with you all.

Doug Leier said...

We're praying for a miracle of life through His will. Isaiah 40, "He gives power to those who are tired and worn out, and offers rest to the weary" God bless you and your family

Theresa said...

I am so sorry. I am praying for you and for your family. You are His child and His arms are waiting for you.

surly said...

I'm so very sorry to hear this, Emilie. I continue to be amazed by your calm and grace in the face of such difficult circumstances. My heart goes out to you, Steve, and your entire family.

Daniel and Ben: you have an amazing mother who has touched more people than she could ever know.

Nissa said...

I am so very sorry so sorry.

Anonymous said...

I am keeping you (and your family) in my thoughts and prayers. I rarely ever post, and you don't know me, but I always check your blog.

I hope that you find comfort and enjoy spending time with your family.

juliemac_29 said...

I'm positive I don't have the right words for this. I'm astounded and inspired that you DO have the ability to write this to us. That's strength. You're amazing. You and your family remain in my prayers that your own prayers might be answered whatever they may be. God bless and protect you.


Jill said...

Emilie, I will continue to pray for you and your family at this time of hardship. I pray that you will be free from pain, and that you can spend as much time as you desire with those who are near and dear to your heart. Know that you have two special angels watching over you as you prepare for the next step of your life.
May God Bless you and your family,
Jill Coggins

Bobby said...

Long time reader first time writer.
I just want to say thank you for continuing to share your life with us.
You need to look no further than your sons, Ben and Daniel and your Husband Steve to see that God does exist. God exist in each and every one of them. The kisses, smiles, hugs and love they give you IS God touching you.

Not on Fire said...

I would like to thank you for sharing your story with me. I have learned so much.

I want you to know that I will continue to pray for you and your family in the years to come.

Morningtempest said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Morningtempest said...


I ran across your blog while doing my own research. I have just spent the last two hours reading your thoughts, your fears, your hopes and dreams. I was just diagnosed this last Friday with a retroperi sarcoma, that is surrounding my aerota and my illiac vessels. I have returned from my oncology surgeon today who says no matter what they won't be able to get it all. The tumor surrounds those arteries and veins, and in his words he will have to take it very slowly. I am scared to death, and yet strangely calm. Oh, and like you, I am the mother of two young children...I am only 33.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. No amount of words can convey my feelings of sympathy. I hope the last days of your journey are filled with your babies' smiles, your husband's touch, your families' love. I wish you godspeed.


Mary Ann said...


Get a second opinion. My husband has had fluid in your lungs when I was pregnant with my second son. He remains alive but on oxygen. He has been fighting Epitheliod Fibrosarcoma for over eleven long years. Don't let the bastards get you down. Keep fighting. Dr. S is one opinion and he is no sarcoma expert. Try other sarcoma hospitals they may just have chemo that will work for you.

You are a warrior and our inspiration. We feel your pain.

Ahuva Batya said...

Em, I haven't responded yet only because I don't have words. I know God is with you, my dear dear friend; with you and watching over your family always. I can't imagine the world without you and frankly, I'm not ready to do so yet.

KCT Middleman said...

Emilie - you and I spoke months ago via e-mail, I'm a friend of Josh, a fellow sarcoma sufferer in Seattle. Just wanted to tell you I am not much of a praying guy but every morning in the car on my way to work I ask G*d to take away your and Josh's cancer. Just wanted you to know I will continue that prayer. Much, much peace.

Kevin in Baltimore

Neil and Rachel said...

Another lurker coming out to say how touched I've been by your blog and your life. Through the internet community you have inspired and challenged SO MANY people.

I'm praying each day for you and your family.


Bonnie said...

Thank you for sharing your life with us. I pray the Blessed Mother holds you in her arms and leads you to her son. I am praying for you and your family.

Queen Bee said...


I've been keeping up on your blog through my friend, Carrie (life in the soup bowl). I have been continually amazed at your strength and courage and as a mom of two young boys I can't begin to imagine all that you must be going through. Please know that you are an inspiration to all...even those you have never met. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Victoria said...

Peace to you and Steve and the boys Emilie. I remember the beautiful spirituality, as well as the sorrow, assoiated with the last chapter of Kerry's life. And yes, hospice is a blessing.

Trish said...

Another follower coming out to say how touched I've been by your blog and your life.

I have two year sons too and I cannot imagine for a minute how you feel right now. The internet community has been inspired and challenged by your journey.

Dear Lord, Please give Emilie “peace” at this time. Cover her in your hedge of protection and give her the ability to prepare for the journey before he rand give her enough time.

Fill her with your strength so that she may get through each day, knowing You are there with her every step of the way. I pray for her comfort in knowing You are in control. Amen.

Diva Mom Vicki said...

Yet another lurker coming out to offer my prayers for you and your family.
And thank you for blogging about your journey. As you can read, you've touched so many lives. I read your blog and remember to count my blessings and put my petty annoyances into perspective.
God Bless You and Merry Christmas,

Wordgirl said...

You have touched my life Emilie.

I am inspired and humbled by your spirit. I will always carry a part of you -- your thoughts, your words, in my heart. I won't forget the beautiful photos of your sons you posted or the thoughtful, thought-provoking posts. I wish you peace and radiant love. I am holding you in my heart.

With love,


Janet said...

Deep peace of the quiet earth to you
Deep peace of the shining stars to you
Deep peace of the gentle night to you
Moon and stars pour their healing light to you
Deep peace on you, deep peace to you

Namaste. Thank you for this beautiful blog. You are a beautiful person.

Heidi said...


Oh, how I have been dreading this news. I want to DO something but I know the best thing I can do now is give you the time and space to be with your family. Know that I hugged my little boy a little harder tonight. Thank you for being a part of my life and my journey. Prayers will continue indefinitely...


Jonathan and Tara said...

Emilie- I have been reading your blog off and on for a while now. I came over tonight from Life In the Soupbowl's link and I couldn't believe it. I am praying for your and your beautiful family during this time.


noswimmers said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

kristine said...

You know you and your family are so loved by everyone around you. People that don't even know you care so deeply for you. I hope you can feel all of this love during this time.
I have cried a few times since last night but something inside of me was fully released when I read this post and all of the beautiful responses. This was the full, let it all out cry that leaves you sobbing.. My heart goes out to you and the family.
You're always in my thoughts and our hearts.

Shannon said...


To borrow (and paraphrase) a line from a movie: you make me want to be a better person. You inspire me to live more fully and in the present moment. You remind me to appreciate all of the wonderful things that I have in my life. I feel honoured to know you and to be able to call you a friend.

As always, I'm thinking of you, Steve and the boys.


Esther said...

Dear Emilie, I found you through my friend Tracy, A Catholic Mom in Minnesota. I will be praying for you and your family.


V's Momma said...


I continue to admire your strength, your courage and your approach to life.
You have made such an impact on my life and I feel incredibly blessed to know you.
I wish for peace and faith for you and your beautiful family.

battynurse said...

I'm so sorry. I am wishing for you and your family to have as much peace and love during this time.

Kerry said...

No matter how long or little time people have known you, I cannot help but coming to the conclusion that you have touched so many of us truly and deeply. I know with no hesitation that I am a better person for knowing you, and I am so thankful for that. All our love and prayers for you, Steve and the boys.

Geohde said...

There are no words. I don't know you, or you me, but this makes me cry.

You're an amazing woman,


WiseGuy said...

May God bless you and your family!

Princess Jo said...

Dear Emilie,

I just referred here from Blood Signs: and I just thought I would let you know how much your story has touched me. I don't how many times I have cried just reading the first page of your blog.

Life is so cruelly unfair sometimes, but can be the greatest gift at other times: and you have truly seen both sides.

I know the boys know that you love them, and you have this wonderful record called a blog to prove it! The love for your boys is evident in every line.

Leave in peace and surrounded in love, honey. Death is after all, the next big adventure.


luna said...

you have touched and moved so many people through your words and story, emilie. your grace is awe-inspiring. I am holding you and your family in my heart. wishing all of you much peace in the days ahead.

Skerry said...

Emilie, My heart breaks for you and your family. I will continue to pray for your healing, whether here on Earth or by being healed in Heaven. It is not fair, but life is not fair. I hope your journey from this moment on is filled with Love, Peace, Hope & Peace.

Cristina said...

May God keep you in His arms ! He is the only true confort! Be faithful ! Love, Cristina (Romania, Europe)

Nissa Nicole said...

Hello Emilie,

I am not a religious person - I do not believe in God - but I do believe that today, as I read this blog post, I felt the pain and suffering of humanity and all the things we chance as we journey through our lives. Even though I cannot offer you prayers, I want to offer you the most important thing to me: Your story, your life, have changed my life. At a time where I felt that my life was too much, you've made me realize that the things I have, the love, the family, the privileges, the health, are what I need to embrace and hold tighlty to. You are an inspiration and a ray of golden light atop the darkness of this time. I would have never thought that a woman who I've never met, far away in the blog world, could touch me like this. It's the beauty of our world, and I'm thankful to the opportunity I've had to read in on your life.

Regardless of how this story ends, I want you to know that your bravey, love and spirit will be shared through all of us who have frequented this blog. There is so much of life that seems unfair - for you to go seems so unfair I cannot even muster the words of protest - but this is a woman who has been changed by the words you've shared this past year. You will be remembered and cherished, and loved for all the days of your life.

eden said...

Emilie, I am thinking of you so, so much. And crying.

What a wonderful piece you wrote, on joy. So true, it IS closer to aliveness than anything.

Nothing can take your joy away, sweetheart.

Spirit is there with you and all your boys, holding your hands.


Carly said...

Wishing you many gentle warm moments with your beautiful family. Praying for God to wrap his blanket of peace around your body.

With the greatest admiration and love

Carly x

DisneyJen said...

Emilie & Steve-

Our hearts hurt with you. You truly are an inspirational example of true love. Thank you for sharing your honesty, kindness, strength and weakness' through this journey. You have touched us greatly. May the next steps in your journey bring you peace and keep you surrounded in love.

Jennifer and family

AFN Broadcaster said...

I'm a friend of Cindy! Be well and God Bless!

Sue said...

I was an occasional lurker months ago, and somehow wandered away.

You will leave an amazing legacy. I wish you and your family peace.

Tiffany said...

Andrea, in our Mothers and More group, shared your news with us. I have been lurking on your blog too, and I am so sorry to hear that this is now real and present on your journey with cancer. You have shown such grace, in your writing and your being, and your grace will be with you as you travel this chapter with your friends and family. Others have shared about impactful your life has been, which is so true, given your writing and all the responses on your blog. You and your family continue to be in my prayers. I pray this chapter gives you the blessings of knowing all the love and the gifts of spirituality while you are here.

Us plus 3 said...

Emilie - I am at a loss as to what I should say here ... though I feel like I need to say something. I WANT to say something ... I want to say May God Bless You, I want to say that I hope you realize what a wonderful, person, wife and mother you are, I want to say that you have more prayers from people you don't know than any of us can count, I want to say you inspire me, you encourage me, you give me hope and so much more. God has plans for all of us - and sometimes we don't know what those plans are or why they are - but we need to believe that he will take care of us all in the end ... Steve and the boys will miss you terribly but you have done a tremendous job in staying strong and leaving a legacy that they will be proud of! I could go on rambling forever but I will stop here saying that I pray for you, I pray that the rest of your life be joyful, painfree and filled with love ... May God Bless you and yours - you are continually in my thoughts!
Heather H

JellyBelly said...

you and your family are in my prayers. may god bless you all.

CLC said...

You and your family are in my prayers.

Julie said...

I saw this title on the link on my blog and didn't want to read it for fear of what I'd find.

I just want you to know how grateful I am to have been reunited with you after so many years. It has been strengthening to me to have experienced a small part of this with you.

Thank you for sharing it here.

I will continue to pray for you and Steve and the boys.

Thalia said...

Emilie, I'm so sorry to hear this news. I am thinking of you and your lovely boys.

Katie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katie said...

Emilie, I'm so sorry reading this. Every since 1st "meeting" you on the TTC board back in the day, I found you to be an impressive person. I always enjoyed reading your opinions, and then after I discovered them, your writings. Daniel & Ben are lucky to have you as their mother. You've touched so many lives of people who you haven't even met. My prayers are with you for peace and strength, and with your family for that same peace & strength.
-Katie M (KtClaire)

Erin M. said...


You are loved, and you have reached and touched so many others that you don't even know. You fill my mind and my heart. You remain as always in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your life and your journey and beautiful and amazing thoughts with us. You are an incredible mother, wife, and woman.

Christina said...

I was getting nervous there might be bad news when you didn't post sooner. Thank you for sharing it with us, though. I'm enlisting my friends, relatives and pray-ers to storm the heavens. My heart is breaking into a million pieces.
I want you to know how much you mean to me, how special you are, how much I admire you for so many reasons, esp. the way you have with words and the way you have with life.
Be selfish right now and do exactly what you want when you want to. I'm hoping you have some magical moments this Christmas with your boys. Love and hugs and prayers!

Amy said...

I am here via Kalakly. I wish to tell you that I will be praying for you and your family. I am saddened tremendously by this news of yours.

We have never met but I do know that you have touched a part of my soul and now, you will forever be with me.

May peace be with you and yours.

Mona Wright said...

Know that God is with you. My heart breaks for your family, I know that they will miss you dearly when that time comes. You, will find such love and light in the Lord's presence. Just think, no more pain, no more tiredness and your two beautiful boys will have the most protective guardian angel with them at all times. Like many have said, I'm still praying for a miracle for you - whatever God wants it to be.

I "met" you a few years ago on the TTC boards, and remember your struggles to get pregnant and I remember your words of encouragement to others as they struggled along. You are the bravest woman - next to my mom - that I've ever known, be it in person or online. May your courage and strenght bring you peace.

Alice said...

You are a truly amazing person. I am praying for you and your family.

Not Strictly Spiritual said...

Dear Emilie,
I didn't comment yesterday when I first read your post because you had so many comments already and what more could I say. But you have been on my mind constantly since last night when I heard your terrible news. You are in our prayers. I have asked every praying person I know to remember you. God bless you and your family. Be at peace and know that your life has made such a difference to so many people -- many of whom you've never even met. That's pretty amazing. I will keep praying that you get the miracle you need at this moment.

Jennifer said...


I just found your blog via This is not what I had planned.

I've only read a few of your posts including this one and i just couldn't leave without saying hi.

You are such a strong woman with an unbeleivable spirit. I wish I had found you sooner, but I'm glad our paths crossed now.

When my dad became terminally ill he was in 'in home' hospice. They were awesome, caring, angels. It sounds like your caretakers are like my dad's. I will never forget them. And I will never forget you.

I will be praying for you. May God bless you and your family.

Gumby said...

There really are no words.

I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through and I wish you all peace and comfort in whatever lies ahead...

Marketing Mama said...


I wrote you an e-mail a few days ago, but still feel compelled to comment here... I am beyond sad for you that you are dying, but also happy that you will know peace and be surrounded by your loved ones at home.

Your article in the Catholic Spirit was awesome - I was excited to see you mention the care package we sent you.

All my love,

Me said...

This is the first time I have read your blog. I just wanted to say that I'm thankful for your bravery. I am praying for you to have joy and peace and comfort and I'm praying for peace and understanding for your family. Praise be to God for our salvation and for heaven, where you will be made whole and one day will see your loved ones again. Your article that you shared a link to was inspiring. As I struggle with my own health issues and hardships, it reminded me to cultivate my joy. To remember to live focused on God and love God in the moment he has given me, because he designed that specific moment for me. I just wanted you to know that you are continuing to impact lives with your legacy and your grace. Thank you. May the Lord cause his face to shine upon you. May you have peace as you journey to be with Him.

Sully said...


I have been following your blog for some time now, but never had the courage to post. You are an amazing woman. You and your family are in my prayers, and I can only hope that you find peace during this journey. God bless you, Steve, Daniel and Ben.

Anonymous said...

This is my first time here and reading your blog brought tears to my eyes.... The Lord is still in the healing business whether it be for the body or spirit, He still heals and is still King of Kings,,,, I pray for you and your family for complete healing whether in this life time or in the next...May God richly bless you and yours...

anti-supermom said...

May God be with you and your family. You have touch my life without ever meeting. I'm certain this is true for hundreds.

Jennifer said...

I have been following your blog now for the past few months and was very sad to hear this news...You are an amazing woman and you have touched my life in so many ways..GOD BLESS you and your family..


zzeckser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
zzeckser said...

My wife and I were both touched by your honest and insightful article today in the Catholic Spirit. Your wisdom is a gift. You remain in our prayers.
Zach and Laura Zeckser

Alex & Jill said...

My heart aches to read this.

You've touched the lives of so many...continuing to cover your family in prayer.

We love you, Emilie.

Sheilah said...

Emilie, I was introduced to your blog by Ahuva and have since been awed by the special and beautiful person you are. Please remember as you proceed on this journey how many of us are standing behind you, lifting you up with our prayers and quietly willing you strength. You have generously radiated so much love from within your beautiful and honest heart; now, please feel it returning to you and surrounding you with comfort. May peace truly be with you.

Jim and April said...

i just came across your blog and want you to know i am praying for you!

Sharon said...

Dear Emilie,

I wish I had been aware of your blog before tonight. My heart goes out to all of you.

I pray that God will bless, comfort and keep you and your entire family.

I am so sorry.

NWoods said...

Emilie, I found your blog months ago, before Benjamin was born. I cannot imagine the emotion that you and Steve are experiencing now--but your Spirit article--it says a lot about how you are approaching this entire thing--I continue to learn from you. I have to say, that by your writings, I have learned so much!!! About parenting, about family, about infertility--and about cancer and dying. Even though you aren't a "teacher" any more, you continue to teach me and countless others. Thank you.

Anyhow, I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and Steve and the boys--that there will be a miracle--that even if that miracle doesn't happen during your time on earth, that family, and your love for them and their love for you will be a greater miracle than any you have ever known.

Praying for peace and comfort

In Due Time said...

Emilie- I am praying for you. God bless you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Emilie, May God bless you always. My thoughts & prayers are with you and your beautiful family always. Hospice is absolutely wonderful...they really helped my family with my grandmother. (((((HUGS)))))


Sandy said...

Emilie the Brave, You are an inspiration. Peace.

bb and mtb said...

Found your blog through Jill Averitt and just wanted to wish you blessings during this time.

Piccinigirl said...

I have no words, I want to write things to comfort you, to tell you that YOU ARE LOVED. I am praying, I will keep you (as always) in my heart and thoughts.

You are an AMAZING, PHENOMENAL person, your spirit and light will stay with me long after you are not here. I have found so much courage and strength through you.

I will write as I always do, Please don't go, but if you must, I pray that God holds you deeply. lovingly and that you feel joy knowing that you will never be forgotten, you will never know what you have meant to me this year, how you have made it possible for me to feel joy and for that my friend, I am eternally grateful.

You are a beautiful, wonderful person and telling you that NOW, before I might be able to is something that I am glad I get to do, for you are a LIGHT IN THIS WORLD, "The change we want to see in it" and I love you. Forever.

Many hugs to you , Steve, Daniel and Benjamin. "Be Not afraid" my friend, we all go with you always.


EJ said...

May you find peace and comfort

alyra_ysabelle said...

Hello Emilie,

I don't know you, you don't know me - personally. We're worlds apart. Just came to your blog by following a link from another blog. I just want you to know that I feel so sad, so hurt, I have to bite my lips so hard to keep the tears from falling while reading your post. I don't know...Maybe because I'm a mom too and the thought of leaving my babies behind when my time comes scares me so much..You're such a brave woman, Emilie, and God will never leave you. You'll be in my prayers.

Jenna said...

Hi Emilie,

I just found your blog, and I just wanted to let you know you and your family are in my prayers!

JOYce ♥ said...

Dear Emilie and family ~ you've been kept by God in my thoughts and prayers these past few months. May He this season of celebrating His Incarnation grant you the special revelation of all He is and came to do for His people ~

With heartfelt hugs and love in Christ ♥

LisaPB said...

I want you to know that I think of you and pray for you often, and that will not stop. I will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

I'm a new reader so I feel like I don't have the right to comment. Just know that I am thinking of you and praying. And that your Catholic Spirit article touched me deeply where I needed it most. Thank you.


Courtney said...

My most sincere thoughts are with you and your family at this time. Your strength and honesty with which you live your life is a true inspiration to others. Sending you thoughts of comfort, and hoping that these days have you completely surrounded in love.

loribeth said...

I found your blog some months ago through Melissa at Stirrup Queens. I don't know what to say except you have touched my life & so many others. I hope that whatever time is left to you on this earth is full of love & free of pain. You & your family will be in my thoughts & prayers.

otrey3 said...


I spoke to Steve after my visit with Emilie today, and he said it was okay to leave an update for you.

Frankly, Emilie is seeing these any more. She told me she is not reading any longer, and I thought you might like to know that. She is resting comfortably with her family. She is taking a little nourishment (we had luck with the smoothie) and resting most of the time. Her boys are great, and Steve is doing okay. Daniel told me that "Christmas is coming."

She told me she had a few hallucinations, but it sounded like they were comforting. I would like to think that our prayers and thoughts of her are reaching her and giving her comfort.

--Laura S.

Queenie. . . said...

Emilie, I started following you not long after Ben was born, and I've been thinking of you a lot. I'm so sorry to read this post--it was one that I hoped would never come. I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. I can see that you and your husband and boys are very much loved by so many. I hope it gives you some peace to know that you have achieved in your life everything that matters in this world, and that you will never, ever be forgotten. I wish you strength and peace.

Michelle said...

You and your family are in my prayers.

L said...

Emilie, there's so little to offer except for all of these tears and a heartfelt thanks for sharing your journey--a journey that SG and I are on as well--so beautifully and bravely. I think of you every day.

jenruschphotography said...

I just don't know what to say, other than that I hope and pray that you are holding God's hand as you move onto your next journey.

Wade and Lexi Hohol said...


I have been following your blog for the past few months. I am simply amazed by your spirit, strength, and courage. My husband was diagnosed with MFH sarcoma two years ago this January. He has recently learned that he has a spot on his lung. We will be heading down to the U on Tuesday to have more tests and prognosis. He is also the man that helped you on the carousal at Rein In Sarcoma this past summer. I want you to know that he too found comfort in talking with you on your little "horsey ride". You have brought comfort to soo many people through your blog and I want to thank you for helping me see the true meaning to life. We will pray for you and your family as you search for peace.

Lexi Hohol

Ames said...

Emilie tears are dribbling down my cheeks.
All I can do is pray.
I wish I could hop on a flight to see you. I have thought of that before. I have also come wicked (there's New England humor for you) close to calling you on the phone. But I don't know if that is too strange!
Em, just please know that I am thinking of you.
I don't know if there is anything that I can do from here but if there is ANYTHING that I can do I hope someone will let me know!


Karen said...

May god bring peace and comfort to you and your loving family.

Kelley said...

Emilie, I was on the TTC board with you a couple of years ago. You are in my prayers, dear heart. And you will inspire me for years to come.

In Him,

Glitter and Bliss said...

Emilie-I just came across your blog tonight, and I am so sorry that you are going through this. I too will pray for you. My heart is so heavy.... The one thing I do creatively is make crystal pendant necklaces. I would be honored to make one for you. Just let me know the message you would like on it, and I will send it to you as my gift. A million hugs .... Leslie

Christina said...

My heart breaks reading this. I wish you and your family peace and comfort during this time. You will be in my prayers.

Michele (Moosh) said...

May God be with you all.
If I can do anything for Emilie's family out here, please let me know.

I pray for God's strength and grace to be with you.

Krista said...

Oh Emilie, my heart breaks reading this.
I am struggling for the right words and they are completely failing me right now. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am just so sorry. Thank you for sharing your story with us all. God's peace be with you and your family.


i have no words, just prayers for you and your family

Emmenoodle said...

Emilie - May you find peace and comfort in knowing how many lives you have touched. You are an amazing woman, admired and loved by all. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless you and your family...Leigh

Cyndi said...

May God bless you and your family with strength and peace and comfort and many beautiful memories together.

~Chris~ said...

My Thoughts and Prayers are with you and your Family.
May God hold you in his Arms and give strength to everyone.
God bless you

Betseeee said...

Emilie may no longer be up to reading, but I know someday her boys will see this. And they will know what a brilliant, warm, loving mother they had. And I hope they will feel like they knew her a little better for having her words. This blog is the most beautiful gift they will ever receive. Emilie, you have touched my heart and so many others. I hope peace awaits you.

Anonymous said...

Emilie, I've been following your blog for a long time now, but have never commented, and now wish I had sooner. Your Catholic Spirit column was so beautiful, and though I'm not facing anything near what you are, it was exactly what I needed to read tonight, though I hate the cancer that led you to write it. I pray that your days are filled with joy, comfort, peace and love.

Mary said...

Dear Emilie: You have run your race so well that you have inspired all of us with your joy of living. Thank you. Also, thank you for explaining this joy of Emilie in the most recent issue of the Catholic Spirit.
Oh, how we wish that your race had not been a 50 yard sprint; we wanted it to be a marathon of decades so that we could run with you at our side. But the point of a race is to finish it: the triumph of making it to the end with gentleness, grace and humanity. Here then is a second gift that you have given us: the confidence that life’s meaning is not found in the length of one’s day but in joyfully running to the Lord, the One who makes it possible for us to live the life that we were meant to live in this world and the next---when we are permanently reunited with our loved ones in heaven. A third gift, then, is to further personalize heaven for us and to strengthen our resolve to be good and to do good with loving joy.
Dare I also say that the timing of your dying is difficult? Tears at Christmastime. Is it really so antithetical? On the one hand, Christmas advertising immerses us in a banal “feel good” materialism. Your dying and our broken hearts cannot be reconciled with such foolishness. On the other hand, we know that materialism never was and never shall be the true meaning of Christmas: Love became incarnate because we really do run our races in a valley of tears. So, now we learn that when the true hope of Christmas fills our heart, we can run with joy through the valley of tears. After all, He came so that we can have life and have it abundantly. And, you have showed us that life can be lived to the fullest even with cancer. This was a tremendous gift, one of many that you have given us, your family, friends, and fellow bloggers. But an even greater gift was the love that brought us two wonderful and very dear little boys, Daniel and Ben. Ben, you could have aborted when they found the tumor. (Not that it would have saved your life, since your tumor turned out to be immune to chemotherapy. But you didn’t know that then. What you knew was that there was a risk in waiting until birth; what you did was to willingly bear that risk. Your motherly love made the other option unthinkable.) So, now we have Ben. Thank you. Thank you also for your love and for your many gifts. I’ll look forward to catching up with you in eternity. Love, Mary

Mrs Pea said...

Dear Emilie, I do not know you but I shall remember you at Mass and in my daily prayers. May God be very merciful to you and yours, dear one, and carry you all close to His heart at this time. Lucy

molson said...

Emilie.. Another fellow former TTC+'er... And another Oregonian here.. Words cannot even begin to explain how sad I am for you.. life just doesn't exactly happen how we expect.. and you have always shown the brighter side of life and such hope and optimism.. you are truly an inspiration.. however your story ends, know you are loved and God will embrace you.. Peace be with you..

--Marcie Olson

Anna's Mommy said...

Dearest Emilie-
You are always in my heart, prayers and peace to you always. Your careful words and beautiful pictures, all are priceless to those of us who love and care for you. In my mind you will always be the Audrey-Hepburn-like May bride, this cancer will fall away in our memories and thoughts of you. With love, Theresa

Rebecca said...


Our family is sending all it's love and support. We wish you peace in your personal journey. We know you will cherish every moment with Stephen, Daniel, and Ben. We all wish none of you had to experience the pain that goes along with this journey. We hope that our thoughts and prayers are enough to hold Stephen as he holds you.

I want to share a story told by a midwife in the Twin Cities about the death of her niece. She fought cancer for years and died at home surrounded by family. She was there when her niece died, and she told us this story.

She said that as her niece grew closer to her death, she thought about a baby growing in its mother's womb. That baby knows she is preparing for a journey, but she doesn't know where she is going or what it will be like to go there. (Remember "Angle in the Waters"?) As her niece took her last breaths, my midwife friend was comforted by the thought of a circle of family on the other side saying, "Push! Push! Push! Here she comes here she comes!!!! AHhhhh! SHE'S HERE! Welcome, sweet child! We've been waiting for you." And she was welcomed into her Mother's arms.

I hope you are welcomed into your Mother's arms like your children were welcomed into yours.

Stacey said...

Emilie – We met on the Knot, and stayed in touch on the MSN board. Though I have never posted on your blog before, I have been reading your updates and continually praying for you and your family. You are truly an amazing woman. May God comfort your entire family as you travel down this path. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Spring B said...

I type this with tears in my eyes adn such a heavy heart. I can't remember how I even came to your blog, but I have been following it ever since and this is the post I dreaded reading and prayed that I wouldn't. You have been such a source of inspiration to me the past few months; reading your journey while my cousin battled her own. May God bless you, your husband and those precious boys. May they look back in years and read this beautiful journey that you've shared with us and see what a truly lovely, caring and wonderful woman you were. May you have peace and still some joy. My heart & my prayers will continue to be with you all.

myra sharon said...

Dear Emilie, husband and beautiful sons, My daughter Jessica Griffith has told me about Emilie's courageous and heartbreaking struggle to beat an unbeatable foe. Emilie's sons, small as they are now, will have beautiful knowledge of their mother who, through this blog, will always be very much alive in their hearts and minds. I have been thinking of all of you since Jessica told me Emilie is in hospice and my mind does not wander far from the Lemmons family. I wish I were there to add more motherly love and care to all of you. Godspeed in this journey. Myra Eder Helfer

Leah said...

My heart is sad for you. May God bless you and keep you peaceful at this time. My prayers are with you and your family.

lindz said...

Good Monday morning to you Emilie.....I want to take the time to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts. I had the wonderful experience to the live out your blog from Wednesday the 23rd of July. I attended the Rein In Sarcoma that day and was watching my brother-in-law ride with my nephew when you got on next to them and he helped you out. I also was standing next to your husband and littlest son. You were right your son had terror all over his face but that sure changed to smiles. As you both continued to enjoy the ride and waved to your husband each and every time you passed by. He was so proud and with great smiles waved back to you. I want you to know you have given my sister inspiration as tomorrow they go in for testing because they found a spot on my brother-in-laws lung. During this most difficult time, I want to say THANK YOU for everything you have done for individuals with sarcoma, survivors,those who have lost, family memeber and complete strangers. I end this with encouragement only you could give. GOD BLESS............

Gloria said...

Emilie, I've thought of you constantly this weekend and I just really pray that you are enjoying your time with your family. You've been an inspiration to so many of us and I thank God for you because He has truly uplifted me through the strength, courage, humility and resilience that you've shown! Many of us never think of preparing for our last days, and although it feels very early and unfair, your boys will have that gift from. They will have your writings and that extra special time that you can give. They will have a bigger piece of your heart and they will grow up knowing and seeing the love that you have for them.
I continue to pray for peace and Blessings for you and your family.

Michele said...

I just read a link to your blog, and I wanted to tell you that I am praying for you. Having lost 3 children, I can only say that I know there is a loving God who will welcome you with open arms, and that I hope my children are able to meet you, great mother that you are. You are such a testament of love to all of us, and I will continue to pray for you and for a miracle.

Jennifer said...

Emilie, I am a friend of Jessica Griffith's -- she introduced me to your blog a few months ago. I am a writer myself, but I do not have the words for this. I am so sorry, and angry too. May you and your family find the comfort and strength you all need, and may you all continue to be blessed by the abundance of your love. You are in my thoughts.

-- Jennifer

Ashleigh said...

I wish there was something I could say to bring comfort to you and your family. Please know that you are all in my prayers. I pray that you will all find peace.

Adam said...

I feel so cheated that I never got to meet you! I've just begun following your journey via the Catholic Spirit and now this blog. All I can say is, what an inspiration you are! And even that description appears flimsy - you are a true warrior! You are leaving behind a legacy of not only bravery and an indomitable spirit but acceptance of what God has in store for you. You are leaving those adorable boys of ypurs a gift of Christ that can never be taken from them. They are mighty lucky to have had a mother that has walked the way of the Cross.
I think about and pray for you and your beautiful family,

Cate said...

Dear Emilie - I'm so incredibly sad for you. I had hoped that this day would not come. I had hoped that your doctors could find just the right combination of treatment that would allow you more time with your beautiful boys. I've been reading about your struggles since right after Ben was born. This is going to sound very strange, but I've come to love you through your words, even though we've never met. I know you don't know me, but if we did meet, I think we would have been friends. I have a baby daughter between the ages of Ben and Daniel, and we're about the same age. We have a lot in common.

I'm very glad that you have your faith and your family to comfort you. Please know that I'm thinking about you from out here in LA and sending you all the positive energy I can muster.


caro said...

dear emilie,

i've had this empty commentbox open for a few hours this afternoon, pondering what to write. i'd hoped for you that this day would not come, but now it has and i am so very sad for you and your family. so very very sad.

i, like the previous commenter, am glad that you've got your strong faith to guide you through this next chapter of your life. i am keeping you in my thoughts and will light a candle at our cathedral for you.

much love,

Kim said...

Longtime lurker. Your courage has been and continues to be inspiring. May God bless you and keep you. May Mother Mary keep the four of you cradled in her arms in the coming times.

Anonymous said...

Another long-time lurker just wanting you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Your courage, your grace and your willingness to share your story with all of us are truly inspiring, and you are touching many, many people. God bless you in this impossibly difficult time. You will never, ever be forgotten.

Deb said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I wish you and your family comfort and peace during this emotional time.

Cibele said...

Oh emilie, My heart is broken in milion pieces for you, your husband and your boys. I will pray fro you my dear... I have learned so much from you , you are an amazing woman

Shea said...

Emilie - I am so sad to read this post. You and your family are in my prayers. May you be filled with God's grace. You are an amazing woman and an inspiration to us all.

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