This week has been on my mind for its memories of where I was a year ago at this time.
One year ago yesterday morning, I got the phonecall that changed everything. Suddenly, I was not only with child, but with cancer.
One year ago this afternoon, we met for the first time with Dr. T., the surgical oncologist who got the ball rolling and removed my tumor — for good, I thought.
And next Friday, the day I go to the Mayo Clinic for a second opinion on my treatment options, will be a year to the day (though not date) after I had my surgery.
It's hard to believe so much has happened to turn my life over in just a year — good and bad. As horrible as this cancer has been, Ben's new presence in our lives has been as much of a blessing.
When I think of my cancer, I think of it in two parts.
Part 1: Last August and September, when it was in my abdomen, removable through surgery, and I was still in my first trimester of pregnancy with Ben.
Then a lull, where I healed, nurtured my pregnancy, gave birth to our beautiful baby, and tried not to think of worst-case scenarios.
Part 2: This April, when Ben was just three weeks old and I learned the cancer had metasticized to my lungs and hip. That was when chemotherapy and radiation entered the picture, and low success rates and the very real prospect of my odds.
And here I am now, still waiting, still not knowing what will happen, still scared, yet still living my life and loving my family. Cancer is not all I am. But in the past year, it has shaded our life in ways that we can't turn back.